Sunday, 14 December 2014

Lets talk about 4 months...

I have been thinking about how to word this post for over a month now.
Its a very delicate discussion, babies.
You don't want people to take things the wrong way
but I want to be honest
 (and slightly very sarcastic).

Elliott is just about 5 months old but I want to talk about 4 months
because 4 months is kind of when it all goes down.
And I don't want this to sound like one of those:
"I have never been happier, now that I'm a mom my whole life is complete!"
"I haven't slept in weeks, showered, or eaten but I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Being a mom is amazing!!!".............

Facebook posts, because the people posting that crap are lying.

Being a mom is HARD. REAL HARD.
Especially the first 4 months.
All you do is run around trying to please a tiny human who makes absolutely no sense and does nothing reasonable.
- He likes naps one day / next day stays awake for 72 hours straight
- Aw my belly is so full / screaming bloody murder because you haven't feed me in what feels like a lifetime (in reality its been 1.5 hours)
- Full belly, fresh diaper, burped, bathed = perfect time for poop/puke/cry for hours for no reason

And then there is the facebook posts that are like:
"omg I just gave birth 11 minutes ago and I have such a amazing magical glittering bond with this baby, omg its unbelievable, you couldn't possibly understand unless you've had a baby"
Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. all lies.
Nothing magical happens, you're tired and fatter than your non mother friends end of story.
The days slowly creep by (at the same time weeks pass and you don't know how?)
and you grieve.
You grieve the days where you could sleep in, shower, do your hair and makeup.
When you could leave the house any time you wanted, go shopping, take a trip to another country... why not!, nothing tying you down!
The days when your DVR wasn't 95% full and you remembered to take something out for supper.
You grieve and you wonder if you made a mistake..
*I've made a terrible terrible mistake!
But then!
All of a sudden you hit 4 months..
and somehow the days seem more manageable,
you've actually showered, you get to eat (most) meals
and you realize you love that tiny little human so so so much.
Not because you birthed him but because every day he changes and learns and grows. He's only been in the outside world for 120 days but somehow he has this gigantic personality.
He knows what he likes and doesn't, he has thoughts and emotions.
He gets upset when I yell at the pets (how does he know how to feel compassion???).
He likes to sleep in complete darkness, and if its not pitch black he pulls a blankie over his face to block the light (his dad does the same thing).
When he wakes up in the morning he chats to himself and when I lean over the crib he breaks out in a humongous smile.
How do babies know to smile when they're happy???
How do they know how to laugh when they think things are funny??
How do they know how to love??
Elliott loves when Nick and I are together, he sits on our lap and looks from my face to Nick and back again, smiling and shaking with excitement.
If he can't see me but he can hear my voice his little head will swivel back and fourth and he will turn his whole body around trying to spot me.
It is so bizarre to me that they learn all of these things so quickly.
I would not change my old life for anything, I feel so bad for people who say their life wasn't complete until they had a child because my life was DA BOMB
I had so so so much fun and my life was completely full and perfect.
Its not a better life now, its just different.
I miss Elliott when I'm not with him and
 when he finally goes to sleep
30 minutes later I'm wishing I could wake him up just so I can see his adorable face again.
When Nicks home I say I'm going to leave Elliott with him and get tasks accomplished but I hear them playing and I end up so jealous I blow off my to do list to go hang out with them.
It took 4 months to get to this place and it was a long 4 months.
So basically this post has no point but isn't that the case with most blog posts. 
(I did have fun with the GIFs!)
If you don't have kids -  keep doing you!!
and if you have a baby 3/4/5 months and struggling - it will get better!!
* I'm also going to take this opportunity to post some of Elliott's Christmas pictures because seriously..

*Disclaimer: Then shortly after 4 months your baby will start teething and it will be a whole other grieving process..
because omg those teeth!
just pop through already!


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