Sunday 20 November 2016

Pregnancy weight gain..

you would think someone who has to pop these pregnant lady anti vomit pills like candy wouldn't be gaining weight at the speed of light..

I'm here to tell you that is not the case.
(cry laughing/actual crying emoji)
I'm going to reveal my actual weight in numbers in this post, because I know that's what y'all are about!
whenever I read posts about weight loss journeys etc, I'm like "REVEAL SOME NUMBERS!".
not that it matters at all!!
we all know that!
its about inches and feelings..
the number is pointless but I'm such a nosey little beotch I just want to know every intimate detail about everyone, ever.
when I got pregnant with Elliott I weighed 145 pounds, I was content with that and felt comfortable.
I wasn't sure how pregnancy would go for me, my weight has always sort of yo-yo'd by 10-15 pounds but a normal weight for me was around 140-150 lbs.
I had HG with Elliott as well (I'll post about HG someday for anyone who is interested, just google it for now) and I was sick constantly plus didn't feel like eating so at my last weigh in with him I remember being 179 pounds.
that was great! we were both healthy and a 34 pound weight gain was manageable. I actually felt like it was on the lower end of what I had anticipated I would gain.
welcome 2016 and a new pregnancy...
I'd assumed a second pregnancy might come with higher weight gain but since this time I was starting out weighing less than my last pregnancy start weight, I was cautiously optimistic...
that was a mistake
like could. not.
I was ravenous.
then the HG kicked in and I am now completely turned off by EVERYTHING.
but HG is sneaky because you're so sick all the time.. that in those moments of weakness when you eat, you STUFF YO FACE.
seriously every article is the same:
"don't worry about what you're eating just eat when you can"
and that's what we do.
I spend my days sleeping, puking and eating.
I basically only move from the bed to the couch.
so I'm no longer working out and I'm eating what I can when I can.
its a toxic combo.
and that's why I'm here to whine..
I went to the doctor a few days ago and I knew the truth was going to hurt.
my nurse is so sweet and she clearly must've seen the big weight gain coming because she kept saying "don't worry about the number!!"
before we even hit the scale lol
pre pregnancy 2016 I was at 130 pounds
only 3 months in and I'm at a whopping 155 already.
its scary because I didn't gain the majority of my baby weight until Elliott was almost done and ready to be born, so this is the struggle..
and it doesn't stop there!
along with my weight gain, every pregnancy gifts me with acne, horrible dull yet oily skin and major hair loss! I lost so much hair with Elliott it was crazy! this time its the same deal, its not bald patches its just an over all thinning and of course the popular "baby hair" hairline that just grew back is now shedding again!
this isn't a happy post, its a pity party.
I know there's no solution and there's bigger problems in the world but this is just a forewarning..
if you see me around and are like
"ouch did you see Holly lately?? she looks horrible."
you can save it!
I know I look horrible.
I feel horrible.
but I'm also in the process of growing an adorable little peanut!
its a ridiculous amount of work!
I'll admit it doesn't seem worth it right now..
but it will be!
because I already grew one and he is so friggen cute!
I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
*so cute. so cute. so cute.
worth it. worth it.
212 more days and I NEVER have to do this again.
^ 4 weeks!

^ 8 weeks!

I randomly came across our summer vacation photos this evening and it brought a literal tear to my eye..
my skin was so clear!
my hair so shiny!

This was only 3 months ago!
it truly is amazing what pregnancy does to your body!
good or bad, it is an amazing process.

Things I desperately miss:
- teeth whitening
- spray tans

This is how I actually feel:
and if I ever get showered I'll need a 12 week photo.
goal set for upcoming weeks.
I look at newborn photos of Elliott to remind my self its not going to take as long as it feels..
I cannot believe this was 2.5 years ago!

tip: don't google too much while pregnant.
I know its helpful because you want to hear other women relating to you but there's so much hate among mommy threads it can be quite depressing.
especially on controversial topics..
ex: I googled pregnancy weight gain
and the women were straight up savage.
every pregnancy is SO unique only you and your doctor can assess what is best for your health.
do not let the body shamers get to you!
I'm hoping not to gain at this rapid rate for the next 6 months but I also know I'm doing the best I can with the given scenario and the weight will come off when I'm ready to start that post pregnancy journey. I may never look exactly the same or lose all of it but that's A-ok!
if you are interested in following some celeb real talk mommies I love Chrissy Teigen and my ABSOLUTE favorite Canadian mommy Jillian Harris, who posted this so real birth photo below..

along with her birth story -
I'm SO tempted to do a pregnancy video diary with bare belly shots on YOUTUBE because there is nothing more interesting to me than that realness.
Ex: Judy Travis showing off her post TWIN pregnancy belly!
but we will see if I can work up that nerve.
in other news I thought I would share my birthday gift in the photo below because its just so cute!
Nick got me some Pandora charms with baby theme this year.
a little Swarovski soother and two spacers with our kids birthstones

less baby updates, more beauty on the way
I'm just trying to find the balance since I like never shower or when I do its legit shower, puts back on pyjamas.... hahahah
stay tuned.

Tuesday 15 November 2016

The road so far...

If you get my Supernatural shout out ^.....


feeling inspired???
I am.
that makes me want to rewatch Supernat beginning to end, right now.

deep thought,
sometimes I forget who I am.
do you know what I'm saying??
I get so wrapped up in being, what people want, friends, family, media..
I get so busy and so stagnant at the same time, just blending in, making it through the day..
the real me starts to slip away
then I have these moments that snap me back to my core.

sometimes its something major that rattles me
like recently, the US election...
even though I'm Canadian, it was really a defining moment in history for a lot of us.
it didn't happen to go the way I was hoping and that made me think.
it made me really, really think and question..
my life, who I am, who I want to be.. ?

Sometimes its something dramatic like that and sometimes its as simple as hearing the Supernatural theme song...
feeling the power and inspiration it brings.

sometimes its just a real good mani/pedi that lets me see the world in a whole new light.

none of that is what I came here to blab about today.
I didn't even think any of the above was in my brain at the moment, its surprising what your fingers type once you open that blog page!

its been a crazy couple of months!
biggest change being... >>>>>>>>

surprise I'm pregnant!!

I HATE pumpkin carving. its so much work and always makes my hands break out in a rash.
Nick loves it on the other hand, so I normally do it for him. & he's half decent at it!
this year he did a stork! haha

so funny story.. I found out I was expecting Elliott because of a trip to emerg!
long story short: I thought my appendix was rupturing, in the middle of the night.
spend an eternity in emerg, they said SURPRISE you're pregnant.

this time around I ended up in emerg again!
I just didn't know it at the time.

it was near the end of September, a Saturday.
we took Elliott to dance class then went to the gym - typical Sat.
after the gym I wanted to stop at frenchys  (second hand clothing store)
I ran in, peeked around and back out to the van.
I was wearing my gym sneakers and while I was in frenchys my feet started to feel SO hot and itchy!

I ripped off the sneakers as soon as I hit the van and noticed my feet were a little blotchy.
ok, lets go to Walmart for a few items. (5 min drive)
my feet and ankles and legs on that drive started to make me crazy!
I was SO itchy, it was unbearable.
went to Walmart, picked up Benadryl and anti itch creams.. 

Its now the next evening, I have been heavily medicated on the drugs and cream
this rash is INSANE. if I could have ripped my flesh off, I would've, I practically did with the itching!
Elliott went to my parents for a sleepover so Nick and I decided to hit up the movies and see Girl on the train.

After the movie I said I cannot take this anymore!
lets go to emerg.
a couple hours later I'm released with some anti inflammatory meds and a Hand, foot and mouth disease diagnosis.

rash photo below!

the rash spread ALL over my body.
it kept moving and morphing
but the worst part was THE ITCHING.
it made me want to scream, I didn't know how I was going to survive.

weirdly, I had an appetite and the only other symptom besides the rash was how tired I was.
so I suffered.. long and hard, it was at least 2 weeks before I felt recovered from the rash.

my life continued as normal and it wasn't until mid October that I noticed something else..
I was going to Zumba class 3 times a week and I felt so sluggish tired, I was gaining weight like crazy all of a sudden, and.. my uterus felt loose.
yeah you heard me, it was weird.. my core didn't feel tight anymore, it felt loose like.. it felt like when I was pregnant with Elliott. but more like when I was 3,4,5,6 months pregnant..

I took a pregnancy test the next day because it just seemed too strange a feeling..
right away.
no delayed response.
I took 2 more haha

yup we were expecting!

we wanted to get a cute photo with the big brother book, what we got instead ^ hehehe

this pregnancy has been SO similar to my pregnancy with Elliott
- hyperemesis gravidarum
- constantly dehydrated
- craving ice tea

and its been a little surprising..
- MAJOR weight gain
- horribly sore boobs

those are just to name a few!
I do plan on keeping the blog updated but bear with me while I struggle through every day.
I have missed a lot of work already, if I manage to shower once a week I call it a major feat as I've been SO sick with the HG and weak, I am barely able to stand for more than a minute or two.

just looking at the computer screen for this long has made my head pound but now that we're all caught up I will try and post a quick blog here and there - goal twice a week!

until next time!!