Lets talk about the fear factor..

This is going to be quite the downer post

 but lifestyle is in the title description of this blog so just go with it...

 

I started thinking of this topic last week and it

was going to be a slightly more light hearted post

but there is no real way to joke about it unless you know

the back story.

What back story is that you ask?

 

Living a life of fear.

 

Nick had to go on training for a course this week and that meant he would be gone

overnight.. just one night, he was leaving one day and would be back

not even 24 hours later.

Soooo no big deal

right?

Maybe for the average person but for me it causes immense fear.

I have always been a scaredy cat but

especially after my house was broken into in 2008,

I quickly became the Kevin McCallister of the neighbourhood.

 

I cannot believe that was 7 years ago,

I can remember every detail it like it was yesterday..

So lets recap.

 

I worked back shift that night, came home around 7am  

pulled the car into the driveway..

Hmmm my screen door is hanging wide open,

that is really, really strange because I know I pushed it all the way closed

and the wind would never be able to blow the handle unlatched...

 

My heart immediately was in my throat and I knew.

Part of me was paralysed with fear and part of me was so curious..

So in a daze I walked up the steps and looked in,

 the storm door was kicked in.

 

I stepped timidly into the kitchen..

my house didn't even feel like my house.

My ears were pounding and my brain was spinning,

I knew what had happened but I had to see more..

 TV was gone.

 

I know it was so stupid, there could have been a murderer waiting for me in the house

but I tiptoed down the hallway..

I got to my bedroom and the place was ransacked.

Mattress thrown across the room, a basket full of nail polishes was thrown

shattering and staining my carpet.

 

OK that was enough I BOLTED.

Ran out to the deck and tried to control my fingers..

I dialed Nick..

He had a exam that morning and I knew he would be on his way to school but

I called.. and called and called.. No answer.

 

I called my parents.

No answer.

Their cells.

No answer.

My sister.

No answer.

 

OK WTF what is this 1994???

All you people have cell phones why is no on picking up???!!!

 

I called 911.

I couldn't talk.

I fell on my knees on the deck

and was half crying half hyperventilating

shock was turning into panic and everything was sinking in so fast.

 

I couldn't talk at all.

The 911 dispatcher kept saying

"you have to calm down"

 

I just kept saying 

"my house"

and hyperventilating. 

 

I honestly could not get the words out

I felt completely paralysed.

(And this was the moment I realized I could never be the first responder to a serious incident,

 police, paramedics, fire fighters, nurses, doctors.. kudos to you all and more because I was frozen.)

 

It was like everything was moving in slow motion

and I felt like I had been on the phone forever without talking.

I thought surely a neighbour would be leaving for work or see me out the window and come help,

no one did.

 

So after the 911 operator finally got enough

one word answers out of me to piece the situation together,

she dispatched police.

 

I called my nanny & poppy who lived 5 hours away..

They were the only ones who were home.

 

Then its all kind of a blur

my sister was the first person to arrive

then my parents and Nick.

 

Most importantly my cat was missing, well both cats

but I found one hiding in the house hours later.

The 2nd and braver of the two had escaped

(we did track her down a couple of days later, thankfully)

 

The perps made off with my TV, Wii, alcohol and believe it or not

a couple of pairs of my boots..

Yes they broke into my house and stole shoes..

I mean they were nice boots but really??

 

You're causing me years of PTSD and you made off with what??

 some lovely shoes to gift your girlfriend??

 

The whole situation is so disturbing

 but anyway that brings us to 2015 and why I'm too scared to be alone.

 

After it happened I was really scared,

I couldn't stand being by myself in the house day or night.

 

I got a large dog, an alarm system, spotlights, booby traps but

I would hear a creak and my skin would crawl.

I couldn't sleep at night, I would look out the windows

 at all hours expecting to see thieves.

I would try to stay awake until 4:30-5am every night thinking

it was only safe to go to sleep after that because surely all break and enters happen

before this time, criminals like the dark of night to shield their crimes - naturally.

 

The problem is this type of fear takes a toll on your life because staying up until 5am will not

fly when you have to work at 8am.

People will tell you to get help, go to therapy, stop being ridiculous.

 

Don't I wish I could - get over it.

If it was so easy to get over would anyone choose to live this way?

 

Anywho eventually the fear does fade a bit, slowly you just get so tired so

give into sleep.

You still wake up in a cold sweat fear at 3am occasionally and

swear you heard the alarm sounding..

 

Now that Nick and I live together full time I'm hardly ever left

alone overnight so its become almost a non issue

however there are the odd occasions where

he has a work obligation

and that brings me to this week...

 

Before he left I did all my typical 'home alone' tricks..

(part of me does not want to reveal my secrets in case

any of you want to break in! Its like drawing you a map haha)

 I will share a few just you give you a sneak peek :)

 

^ DA CLUB

Who needs a baseball bat!

a few of my close friends may recognize this baby..

I've been sleeping with this next to me for years

before the B&E and after,

I told you I was a scaredy cat!

At this point its like my teddy bear,

 when Nicks away I also sleep with pepper spray under my pillow..

I know... crazy.

^ The weights..

This is just kind of a security blanket whether Nicks home or not,

Weights in front of your door.

Two 15 pounders,

 at the very least will cause a lot of sound commotion.

 

Some of my other specialities are screw drivers laying flat in window slots so

they will jam and can't be slid open.

 Obviously chairs in front of doors,(even if you don't have a dog) beware of dog

 signs on everything and alarm system stickers.

 

 

Any way that's my story..

If nothing else I'm kind of glad it happened because it opened my eyes

to the world, you have to be aware 24/7 (I hate to say it but especially being a women)

I don't advise you live in ridiculous fear like me, but just be aware.

 

An image that will always haunt me is the week before the

break in, I left my house at 10pm to go to work. There was

a car parked on my street, a man was just sitting in the car smoking.

I thought it was weird and creepy..

I got in my car fast and locked the doors.

 

Looking back he was most likely scoping out the places they were

going to hit. I wish I had been smart enough to call the cops

or circle the street and write down his license plate.

Alas I was still so young and believed there was only good in the world!

 

 

Just a few pics below of the crime.

^ The door had boot impressions in it.

^ Finger printing the fridge where they stole the beer!

Not the beer!!!!

 

^ safe and sound

^ Reunited with my babes

2008