I almost gave up on potty training but we decided to keep going...

I don't follow many methods when it comes to my kids but something I am a firm believer in is:

wait until they're ready.

Like when Elliott didn't want to walk everyone starting freaking out and nagging me about it.

"is he walking yet?"

I mean, who cares? especially if you're a casual acquaintance.
Like, his prospect of becoming a successful adult just got axed because he was too stubborn to walk until he was 17 months. hahaha

OOP, Elliotts a write off!
Done.
Didn't walk until 17 months will be the headline on all his future resumes.

People sometimes ask parents weird intrusive things.

"sooo, are you breastfeeding?"
"what type of birth did you have?"
"baby led weaning?"
"are they walking yet?"
"talking yet, why not?"

^ I know some of those things may seem minor and we can't be afraid to ask questions that we feel are completely harmless but...

Why not ask things like:

"are you guys in need of anyting?"
"can I do anything for you?"
"Do you want an xxxxXXXXXXL coffee dropped off?" lololol

Err on the side of caution where I can. :)



We didn't potty train Elliott until he was 3 because I knew he wasn't ready.
My boy is stubborn and I wanted to wait until it would be easier for both of us.
It actually went super well and he picked it up fast, I don't think he ever wore pull-ups.
He went straight to underwear and even got up through the night and started going to the big toilet to pee on his own. (this led to some crazy mornings where I found pee on the floor in front of the toilet but for the most part, he was good about aiming. sometimes I think back and realize he was better about aiming when he was 3 than now that he's 5 :/ )




Elliotts used the portable potty but Noelle really wanted to use the regular toilet, we got this seat and its awesome! Click the little photo - affiliate link^^

Noelle is 2 years 9 months and I knew she was ready or so, so close to being ready to train.
She hates wearing diapers she wanted to be changed immediately every time.
But she's also a new breed of stubborn.
So, so stubborn. lol
Elliott was stubborn but he was also pleasant and could be talked into most things.
Noelle is full-blown, drop-down, drag-out, take no prisoners kind of stubborn. :)

We started and went all-in: if accidents happen, they happen.

It went well the first little bit because it was exciting for her, I always bribe with small toys/treats for this kind of transition.

Then we hit a snag.
The kids got sick and did I mention I've been trying to wean her off the sookie for months now??
This girl LOVES her sookie.

A lot of people suggest cutting the sook or throwing them out, donating to a sibling, etc but Noelle is SO attached (Elliott has his taggie bear, Noelle has her sooks).

We were down to using sooks only when sleeping.
I thought about all the tips and tricks but I knew she would steal Nilahs sook and honestly, we're hanging on by a thread here, three kids eep.

So everyone got sick, Noelle started taking out the potty training frustration by needing us more, crying a lot, whining a lot, wanting her sooks.

It was 3 whole days of her crying and me crying to Nick
"maybe she's not ready?! maybe we should shelf it for a bit?!"

Nick was skeptical because he didn't think the outbursts were from the potty training but little does Nick know, Noelle is my exact clone.

When I am upset or crying its usually because of something unrelated to the reason I say I'm crying.
There's a lot more to my tears than the SPCA commercial alone... well most of the time.
And other times those SPCA commercials are just so heartbreaking.

But she was doing SO well!
If I had to put a number on it, she was already 70% trained.
Why give up now?!

That was about 2 weeks ago, we did decide to push through and I would guess shes 85% trained now. She wears pullups at night and is good throughout the day.
Her mood is back to Noelle normal hehehe.

And I'm super happy we pushed through because two kids in diapers is the worst for so many reasons! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I mentioned Elliott was 3 years old when we trained him but he may have been a whole year older than Noelle because I can't remember the exact time frame.

Every kid is so different, listen to your instincts and potty solidarity sistas!

I am feeling fragile right now.

January was alright.
Full of those new year hopes and dreams.
Motivated and energetic, I was ready to take on the world!

February was meh.
Not as shiny and new as January was.
I was starting to fall behind on things.
Hmm, it seems hopes and dreams not off to a great start.

March.
Well, March is just a real B*#$^ isn't she?

I was feeling blue anyway.
In fact, I was plotting this post and going to name it something like:

I'm 33 years old and still don't fit in. 

Who knew the cool kids table would show up in adulthood?

She doesn't even go here! - and other mean girls quotes that fit my life.



I promise this isn't a pity party post, it's more "this blog is my outlet" kinda thing.




March has felt crummy in all the ways.

Its been a year since Nicks dad passed.

Business in blog land has hit a lull after blowing up my blog-confidence, September 2019-January 2020.

In fact, I've just felt small in blog land this month.
Like a child pretending to adult.
I feel like whenever I try to express things about blogging people scoff behind the scenes.
Like, "what an idiot question"
or "why is she doing that?"

I know my bloggy friends are going to say that's not true ^

But entrepreneur doubt vs. entrepreneur ego is tough.
You almost have to pretend to have it all together (or maybe people really do have it all together, I dunno) to make this lifestyle work but I don't have it all together and I don't want to pretend to.

So when people advise me on how to navigate this business I push back, rebel.

Me: "that way may have worked well for you but I am not comfortable doing it that way."
Blog professionals: "idiot. amateur."

^ This conversation is fabricated but its what I sometimes feel is happening bts.

It's not that I don't have the confidence it's that I want to do it my own way.
Everyone has a different definition of "success".
Usually, success being money or power.

And I want those things but I want them on my terms.

I want to talk about where I am, where I am going and what my definition of success looks like but it makes me feel small and unknowledgeable when people who have reached "success" see my questions, feelings, and thoughts.

I'm the weird middle child blogger.

Speaking of the middle...

I went to a business meeting, it was plus size fashion-based. It went great/fine but I left feeling like I usually do...

I'm not really plus size enough to be respected as plus size but oh, hey, regular sizes don't want me either. #storyofmylife.

Nilah hasn't been sleeping great.

Potty training Noelle is tiring.

I am failing my health and fitness goals.

I am failing at my no-spend/ low spend.

(those last 2 I feel worse about for failing you guys! I have always been a roller coaster of healthy living/spending but I hate saying I will do something and then immediately falling off the course.)

There's not enough time in the day.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

It's all the same old song and dance.

We all have these issues or our own problems, personal struggles we deal with on the daily.

I know we do because I have loads of friends going through trying times.

Some things are worse than my issues, some things are lesser, a lot of people don't like to talk about the weight they're carrying but that doesn't mean they don't deal with that strain privately.



Sometimes the biggest smile is used to mask the most pain, right?

That's what I do.
I hate focusing on the bad.
It stresses me out even more.
I like to break down and then get up and keep going.
Putting the day to day laughs on Instagram and leaving the ugly nights in the privacy of my own home.



That works for me.
And I enjoy being a comedian, an entertainer.
But, I'm not tough enough to use humor 100% as my shield.
No, no, I have this stupid 'ol empathy holding me back.

You know what I mean?
You have to have thick skin to make it in comedy.
Especially as a female.

Not plus size enough but not regular size.
Not asshole funny but not dull.
Not working mom enough but not stay at home.
Not pretty enough but not hideous.
Not smart enough but not dumb.

Not, Not, Not, Not.


I've been feeling so not enough lately.




And then...

 BRING ON THE CORONAVIRUS. 

Now I get to feel stressed and scared and overwhelmed about a whole new thing on top of my other things.



And watch it all unfold in the media and get all strained and awkward on social platforms.

Talked about CO-VID 19 too much.
Didn't talk about it enough.
Shared meme.
Doesn't think memes are funny.
Bought too much toilet paper.
Didn't buy toilet paper.
Shares photos of empty aisles.
Complains about people sharing photos of empty aisles.
Leaves house.
Doesn't leave the house.


It's all just a bit too much for me.
I'm tired and scared and anxious.

I am feeling very fragile. 


And I bet a lot of you are too.

I don't really know how to end this post because no matter what I say it feels cheesy:
Spread positivity!
Lets all support one another!

But I do hope you're all safe.
Full bellies, Netflix on repeat, maybe a book in hand or tea brewing.

Do what makes you feel safe and cozy.

This is a reminder to check on my friends more, maybe send some happy mail or a quick text.
Share more of my blog friends' work so they know they're doing awesome.
Call my Nanny.
Play some board games with the kids.
Give Nick a little squeeze.
Rest and recharge.