I had friends in high school who couldn't wait to be stay at home moms.
I was like "ick. no why. ew. horrible." (hehehe)
I cringe when I hear people say:
"my life didn't begin until I became a parent..."
WHAT?! Bish, where you been??? because my life was bomb dot com!
all jokes aside, that statement truly makes me uncomfortable.
I spent many years as a childless women who never wanted kids and my life was happy and full and perfect. (ask me if I could live without pets and we would have a problem!)
there were many reasons why kids were not an option for me.
one of them being:
if I had kids, I wanted to be a better parent than my parents.
I wanted my potential children to be better people than me.
(I don't think these are usual feelings)
I didn't think I would have the patience and endurance to make that happen and quite frankly I'm not sure I even wanted to try.
I love me, I love everything about me.
spending time on me.
spending money on me.
me. me. me. me.
I'm a selfish person and if it was just me, I didn't have to feel bad about that.
so why the heck do you have kids you ask??
I had them because eventually I knew I would be a good parent and I knew that Nick would be the best father. He would fill all of my shortcomings while going above and beyond.
We would be far from perfect but we would be good, really good.
so then comes part two:
I was either having none or a Duggar load!
for me siblings were a BIG deal.
If I have 1... I want 4!
but I HATE Pregnancy!
ugh this whole motherhood thing fights me every step of the way doesn't it??!?!
at this point I'm not sure if a 3rd pregnancy is in the cards for me.. but foster care and adoption down the road is not out of the realm of possibility.
(I've read up on foster card many, many times and the thought of it breaks my heart but the thought of not doing it breaks my heart more)
Foster Care Nova Scotia
AND THAT BRINGS US TO TODAY....
(I can never just get to the point, I need to mull over all these useless details first)
I had my doctors appointment and the nurse said we were going to listen to the heartbeat
(YAY FINALLY! didn't I just post yesterday how we hadn't done this yet??)
I laid down and she got her Doppler..
then she looked, and looked and looked and looked and looked and looked....
and OMG, what the heck is the problem...
and I don't panic.
I know what will be will be and also it can take a long time to find a heartbeat.
but I mean we were talking like 30 minutes here..
she said to me a couple of times "don't panic. don't worry if we can't find it. etc."
well I wasn't going to at the 15 minute mark but my god 30 minutes later, I'm starting to sweat.
then she found it!
it was up a lot higher than she expected and she also said I felt a lot bigger than 14 weeks +4 days.
she brought in the doctor who struggled as well and said
"well you're either further along or its twins!"
twins is my dream scenario in a way..
double the family, half the pregnancy!
but after what felt like an hour of doppling he said
"I only hear one beat, I think you're just further along"
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!
I just gained a whole month of pregnancy in one day!
instead of being 14-15 weeks they think I'm about 18-19!
Still vomiting this morning but I feel re-motivated knowing I'm that much closer!
Babies are HARD work and a major commitment.
I'm glad I decided to go for it but if you're on the fence I recommend getting a cat, then another cat, then a dog, then a 4th cat... and eventually maybe you'll decide to add a human baby to the mix or maybe not, but either way you've got your hands full girl.
Spend some money and time on you! ;)
1st born- Roxy Roller
current age 9 years
2nd born- Luna the Ripper
current age 8 years
3rd and 4th
Marley worlds worst dog - 8 years
Little Orphan Annie - 7 years
Elliott Eugene 2 years
Current day photo
Resting while I type:
You will never find Luna in this mix, she is strictly my girl only and she is anti social to the rest!