HOLLY'S HOUSEWIFE LIFE x

 JOURNALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHH, I AM SO EXCITED!

A part of me feels like its too soon to make this announcement and another part of me feels like its been in the works for my entire life.

To sum it up - I have always kept a diary. I have my Barbie diary from 31 years ago when I was 5/6 years old writing about what I did that day. I can remember going to the book fairs at school and yearning to buy the notebooks and journals - I did buy a few I have them in my closet now and I still feel the same heart beating excitement I felt back then when I see the beautiful cover designs and the pages filled with memories. 

Teenage hood, young adult, engagement, pets, wedding, babies, trips, PTO, book club, birthdays, TO-DO lists. You name it, I have a journal for it!

Many years ago on a trip to Gros Morne Newfoundland (2015?) I purchased a sort of travel notebook. It was very thin, did not have the cutest cover and it didn't have much room for notes but it became our vacation journal and we filled it with memories, costs and stories.

I remember saying to Nick way back then how this could be a great journal if they only made some improvements! And why didn't anyone make journals the way I envisioned them in my head?

It couldn't be that hard to make a cute notebook that met all my needs! 😂

Anywhoo, years passed and I kept my notes, letters, editing blank notepads to fit my needs and even customizing them with vinyl letters to turn them into my dream journal.

Then in 2020 I finally got the gall to act on my fantasy. 

If the Journals weren't being made, I would make them myself!!!

I took a course from my brilliant friend Rebecca at Lucky Sprout Studio 

I chatted with my other brilliant friend Ms. Suzi Fevens!

https://confessionsofafitnessinstructor.com/about/

Among many other brilliant friends and I began my journaling Journey!!

Honestly thinking of it all, it really isn't that big of a reach since I had been journaling for a lifetime and even self published a Cook Book back in 2012.

Titled Recipes and Memories this project began in my heart just for me, then expanded to be a Christmas gift for my sisters and it eventually turned into a book I had printed for many extended family members. 

I made this version on Blurb and its still one of my most treasured books. (Don't worry there's a R&M in the works for you!!) 

Like so many of my dreams, the Journal business fell through the cracks with babies needing care, covid shut downs and whatever else has been going on these last few years!

So in 2023 what got me back on track?

To be truthful I think I owe it to my Book Club babes for re lighting my journal fire!

While reading our monthly book, I found myself reaching for scrap papers, odd notebooks, post it notes or whatever was nearby to jot down pages and paragraphs that I wanted to remember. 

Well that simply wouldn't do long term so I am very proud to introduce you to the first @HollysHousewifeLife Journal.....

MY BOOKCLUB JOURNAL!!!!!

It is a beautiful matte cover, creamy lavender, 12 month Book Club Journal (with a couple extra book slots and loads of room for note taking!)

Reading is a great way to relax, unwind, practice self love and care. With this journal, you’ll be able to keep track of your annual reading, make note of special moments from your favourite novels. When you are a busy bee like I am, it’s important to take time to journal, even jot notes or page numbers, in order to help you make the most of out of your reading memories!

This book journal includes:

- Monthly Titles, Authors: so you'll remember your favourites and can look up more by their names.- Notes: Lots of space for thoughts and feelings.

With My Favorite Book Club Journal, you’ll meet your reading goals in no time! This journal is perfect for anyone who wants to hit their reading target and hold close to those special paragraphs to read again and again.

It also makes a wonderful gift for family & friends.

It is available to purchase from Amazon, at only $9.51 I feel its a steal of a deal! 😂💜

Click the link below to see the Journal on Amazon.ca Book Club Journal

Another exciting announcement is that: THIS IS NOT MY ONLY JOURNAL AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!!!

Oh, no, no, no!

I set myself a goal that I would like to have 6-12 journals available for purchase by the end of 2023 but as it turns out.. once I got started I enjoyed making them so much I already have 6 (ish! could be more by the time this goes live 😂) ready to roll!

I have no lack of imagination for Journals so this will be an ongoing project, truthfully I am just trying to keep up with my own personal Journaling needs right now!

I wanted to get the Book Club Journal out since its set up to be a 12 month notebook but I do have another version for Book lovers who don't want the monthly prompts. 

I also have a passion to encourage children to fall in love with writing, drawing and journalling. 

You know I set my kids up with Journals every summer and I encourage them to keep diaries. 

For our own dream vacation I have been working away on some Travel Journals for kids.

You can view those here:

Vacation Mode Activated

My Dream Vacation

You can find all the Journals I've been working on under Holly G Clarke on Amazon (Just search Holly G Clarke and they should pop up). 

I am still familiarizing myself with selling through Amazon but so far so good and prime shipping - YaY!

I will be sharing more in depth info and demos very soon but for now I wanted to share what's been keeping me busy and excited these last few months!

If you have any Journal requests please sound off in the comments or on my social media because nothing would make me happier then to create a beautiful book for you to share your thoughts, hopes, dreams and adventures with!! 💗

- XOXO Journal Girl

We have some big news!

 

WE ARE GETTING A PUPPY!!!!

Look, I am honestly as shocked as you are right now. 

This happened very, very quickly & the universe forced me into it!😂

I kept saying, no, no, no, too soon.

But the universe KNOWS. I trust her and she just knows. 

She dropped this little puppy right into my lap and now we're all SO excited. 

I swear to you I had no intentions of getting another pet right now, we are still grieving Marley and we have a lot on the go, it wasn't on the to-do list to get any animal.. let alone a little baby pup. 

But here we are 🤷! 

In about 6-8 weeks we will be taking home a little baby Sheltie pup and we are all so in love already I can't even begin to convince you, just trust. 

We have very, very briefly been thinking of names. When I asked for pet names on my instagram just last week that was because we had started thinking maybe we would be adding a dog to our home possibly in the fall. I had no idea that our plans were going to move up 6+ months sooner.

So now our "we have forever to come up with the perfect name" timeline has been majorly adjusted and I'm scared I won't know what to name him/her!

Today when we went to see the mama I heard the kids talking afterwards and Noelle wanted to name the pup snowflake. 

Then this evening when Elliott was talking to my mom I heard him tell her that he and Noelle had already named our pup and its name is....

Sunny

I asked.. "Whattt???"

And he says 

Oh Yeah, Noelle wanted to name her snowflake but we discussed and because it was a nice sunny day, I suggested Sunny and we both liked it.

So there's that..  hahaha 

I actually LOVE the name Sunny or Sonny but I am not sold until I meet this little pup and see its sweet face and personality. 

So here are some other names we have thrown into the idea bank:

Birdie

Lady (this is a dog my grandparents had and she was an angel)

Honey

Betty

Dixon/Dixie (this is a family name)

Mckinley/Mac (this is a family name)

Wilkinson/Willie (this is a family name)

Rich/Richie (this is a family name)

Oz/Ozzie (this is Buffy inspi)

Rupert Giles (this is Buffy inspi)

Jupiter

Millie (this is Marley and Billie my dogs who have passed on)

I am desperately trying to find the perfect Taylor Swift name but I can't seem to find something I love 😆

Ok, Keep the dog names coming please!!! This is sooooo tough, its naming a living thing and you know how often you say your dogs name.. it has to be perfect!! 💗

XOXO Gossip Pup

2023, Marley & Me, a Breast Biopsy, an Ulcer & Covid

 Happy 5 on Friday!! 

I don't even know where to begin with this one 😆

1. This week I ended up back at the hospital. 

I really did not want to spend any more time at doctors/hospitals but after speaking with the receptionist on the phone she said my Doctor would like to see me in person. 

I haven't fully summed up my journey but basically in August I developed a rash on my breast, it went through some changes and I went to have a biopsy in December. 

I had no reason to believe that anything was up with my biopsy spot, I just assumed all biopsy incisions are that large.. I started to get worried about it not healing properly but honestly I was scared to go back to the doctors. 

I have felt a little insecure that everyone is thinking I overreacted about my original breast rash so with this one, I seemed to do the opposite.. its ok, its ok.. I won't bother the doctors with this. 

But it wasn't ok.

I seem to have a rare reaction to a biopsy. I have developed a skin ulcer, it is the worst. 

That is all. 

2. As if that wasn't enough medical news for one blog post, I did end up with C.ovid last week and it was not pleasant but I am so thankful it was less eventful than the first time I had it. 

3. Our Sweet Marley passed away 2 weeks ago and even though she was a 14 year old Golden Retriever and she really did have a wonderful life, we are all struggling to move on without her. The house seems so still and there's not as much love in the air, it just doesn't feel as home-y. 

I was cuddling with our cat Annie on the couch the other day and I caught myself after I said it: 

"Ok, Mar hop up. I have to go tidy the kitchen" 😔

Marley and I were the biggest couch cuddlers. Annie has really leaned into us as she's missing Marleys presence as much as the rest of us and every time I look I find her cuddling with Elliott (mostly but I've also seen Noelle and Nilah which was unheard of before!). 

4. Some shows you should check out this week: 

That 90's Show - Netflix

Ok, what do you think about this one?!?!?! 

I like it just fine but I feel like its too polished. The 90's were nitty gritty!! Give me something more! The fashion needs to be pumped up 1000% more than what it is. 

Derry Girls - Netflix

Derry Girls is hilarious and very, very gritty so check this one out! Also based in the '90s and I just love all the characters so much. They are so heartwarming, I feel like we all know one or have been one of them at some time or another. 

OH and Liam NEESON was in the first episode of season 3! hahah

Bake Squad - Netflix

The kids and I have started watching Bake Squad and its great! We can't get enough baking shows hahah the whole family loves them. 

And Ashley was on Cake Boss!! I immediately recognized her and googled it. 

5.  Nick gifted me the most beautiful early Valentines Day gift and I am so excited. 💘💗💖💕💝

Stay tuned for more basement reveals, coming soon!!!

Have a Great Weekend!!!!    

XOXO Gossip G

5 on Friday!

 

Well, well, well. . 2 weeks into 2023 and this has hardly been the simplistic start to the year that I had hoped for but none the less I can't complain! Life has been chugging along and I've enjoyed so many things lately, let's take a peek at them and can you help me out with something???

1. Our basement is done! YAY, it looks gorgeous, the above photo is my new office. Just out of frame there is a large but very slim+ sleek/minimal in depth rounded top mirror hanging on the wall. 

An arched mirror (? is that what to call it? 😂) 

And I'm looking to mimic the arch look on the wall behind my desk, using PAINT. Has anyone done an arched mural? How should I go about getting the perfectly arched look?

I thought this would be the perfect way to incorporate some colour but keep things really fresh & clean. 

I am SO SCARED of this DIY. Usually I just dive in but this arch has me incredibly intimidated! Any tips appreciated. 

Heres an example of what I am looking to do ->

2. Book Club Month!

It's book club time! whoooo

Reading is hitting the top of my priority list again and to hold myself accountable we are starting a small in person book club.

The first read is called, Every Summer After by Carly Fortune.

Feel free to read along and we can catch up in an online book club!

I am also reading It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover, a classic must read suggested by so many people but for whatever reason this is the 3rd time I've had to start it! I just couldn't get past the first couple of chapters but this time I am into it and will be finished soon - no spoilers, I've managed to stay away from any information and I am so excited for myself because I love spoiling endings 😂

3. My friend Nichole dropped these Amazing Cinnamon buns off yesterday and they're SO GOOD. 

Nick asked me to bring him a second bun last night while we sat down for some tv time and Nick is not the sweet tooth that I am, he will always take savoury over sweet, in fact I usually have to coax him to get dessert (which sucks BTW lol) so for him to ask for a cinnamon bun when I wasn't having one, means that theses are the worlds best.

Nichole is fundraising and selling Valentine Cookie Boxes in February so message her to order!

@heyitsnikki33 Part2 Final product! #saltedcaramel #chocolate #chocolatecake #homebaking #happybirthday ♬ Delicious - Pabzzz

@heyitsnikki33 New Arrivals are now live! #inclusive #fashion #summer2022 #halifax @shopincandescent #CapCut ♬ Top Off - Gunna

4. I have been watching soooo many throw back TV shows and I'm loving it!

Boy Meets World - Disney

Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Disney 

One Tree Hill - Amazon 

The OC -Amazon

I would love to know what you're watching and more specifically what reality tv you're watching? 

Elliott and I even watched 13 going on 30 last night and he loved it. So excited to share some throwbacks with him, we love watching things together. 

Did you see Jennifer Garner and her 17 year old daughter out together lately? They're TWINS, & they're both gorgeous!! It's unreal how much they look alike, so sweet. 

5. I have some good news about my biopsy if you've been following that drama 😂 

My doctor called today while I was at Hockey with the kids so I missed the phone call but she said she's received my first biopsy results back and it looks good, I shouldn't worry about them but she will call me on Monday to discuss. Still no results from my separate biopsy but that was just done a couple of days ago so hopefully in a few weeks all of this will be behind me. yay!

Alrighty, have a GREAT WEEKEND. PARTY HARD. 💜

@hollyshousewifelife #drugstorebeauty #makeupdrugstore #beautyblogger #beautytok #beautyhacks #beautytips #beautyreview #halifax #drugstoreskincare #shoppersdrugmartbeautyfinds #shoppersbeauty #eyemakeup #beautyblogger #bbloggers #prmail #snailmail #beautyunboxing ♬ original sound - Holly Clarke

@hollyshousewifelife #drugstorebeauty #makeupdrugstore #beautyblogger #beautytok #beautyhacks #beautytips #beautyreview #halifax #drugstoreskincare #shoppersdrugmart #shoppersdrugmartbeautyfinds #makeup ♬ original sound - Holly Clarke

SimpliciTEA

Happy New Year!! 2023 already, my oh my.

How are you feeling going into the New Year?

Do you have a new word for the upcoming year?

Resolutions? 

Anything you're looking forward to or looking forward to leaving behind? 

Dish the TEA here, we've got a safe space 💗

I am very much looking forward to January 1st! 

I love a Monday, a months start, a new season and although I am not a big resolution maker, I LOVE to try again. Make a list, brainstorm things, try something new, get knocked down, pick myself up and try it again, try it again. 

My word this year is something like 'Simplicity'.

You may know that we have been doing some pretty major home edits this last year.

We built a beautiful new shed, moved all the items from the unfinished basement into the shed & garage. 

Our amazing contractor then took the basement from a concrete room to a beautiful finished space with multiple bedrooms (we had to knock out windows!! windows from scratch! We didn't even have windows down there), full bathroom, rec room and all the fix-ins. 

We also added built ins to our main living room, a feature wall in our dining area, added a light fixture in the dining area, dimmer switches, painted everything, all the walls needed it after so much construction and materials being brought through this main level. 

We did paint the kids bathroom upstairs as well, this had never been painted by us and was painted with the wrong paint years ago. A satin paint was used by the house builders and it was SO dirty. I scrubbed and scrubbed but could not get that paint to look even remotely clean. 

Our primary ensuite had a leak early last year and unfortunately we have not dealt with that yet. Our shower has been unusable for many months but we are hopefully crossing that bridge in the new year and phew, we will finally be done!!

We really created our dream space, I am feeling so grateful and thankful for this space and these people who brought our vision to life!

I am thankful, thankful, thankful, I am so happy.

Along with all this change came a lot of dates, choices, appointments, meetings, picking things, designing things, choosing things, prepping things, cleaning things, moving things, you see where I am going with this.

I had to be available all the time to a lot of people and my, I am a creator but this project has been my biggest to date!! I felt pretty burned out by the end of it. 

Our house still has some finishing touches to add - cabinet doors, carpet on stairs, etc but its pretty much wrapping up/wrapped around December 23rd. 

We dove straight into the holidays after that with Nicks Birthday added into that week and a trip to Cape Breton.

So what does 2023 hold for Holly's House?

I am hoping a whole lot of nothing! 😂

I am craving some hot drinks, warm baths, good books, Netflix binges, skincare routines, craft room organizing, creating, creating, creating. 

I want to CREATE!

I want to play with makeup and chat about lipsticks. 

I so badly want to find myself again and reply to friends texts. 

2023 I hope to sleep more, bed earlier, yoga again, text back (at least half the time!😆) 

I dream of getting ahead of the planning for school PTO events, knit more, walk outdoors. 

Take more photos in front of Post Offices, go bowling, play board games, bake, soups (soup gets its own category. thank you), print photos, scrapbook, etc. etc. etc.

It sounds like a lot and it is a lot 😂 but I've always loved A LOT.

I am looking forward to moving all the things I love into a space with more simplicity. Now that the construction is done, I can construct a fresh set up in this home. 

I can't wait to fill my craft room with my treasures (aka my garbage finds😆) I look forward to showcasing my books on my new built in shelves, I can not part with books, its a problem!! Now they have somewhere to be 💛

 The kids toys have a new home downstairs and its encouraged more playing because they can see what they have, overall we can organize the chaos a bit more and  I can't wait to putter into 2023 with my slippers on and a good cup of tea in hand. 

All the love to you this New Year and beyond!💖

The Clarke Family

 

5 on Friday - Lumps, Bumps and a Happy New Year!

 It's not Friday but I have 3 seconds and I've missed you all so00 much and these 5 on Friday posts! Let's catch up as quick as we can, shall we!? 

I'm sure so many people get this feeling but it's super prevalent in the content community.. the feeling as if you can't/won't/don't feel like sharing something until things are 100% in order/complete but the problem is that along with being a content creator we are real people who's projects usually take just as long as other real peoples projects! 🤣 

I wish things happened as quickly as social media sometimes can make it seem but in reality we have had so much on the go for so many months now, I kind of forget what I've already shared and I've fallen so far behind I don't know where to begin!

Let's start with the PTO!

This is our schools first real year back hosting events and fundraising money.

I volunteered for President of the PTO this year and got it but holy moly I underestimated the commitment 😂

I also didn't want to give up my other volunteer commitments in the case that I didn't get PTO President so I definitely will have to make some choices next year and maybe drop a few things off my plate but everything I do I absolutely love, love, love with my whole heart! 

I feel so thankful for my community and the people I've met along the way.  I don't know how to express it because I am so awkward and uncomfortable with feelings, I always think people will consider me as being disingenuous but I truly feel blessed to have such an incredible community and neighbourhood/friends/atmosphere.

We have hosted 4 major, major fundraisers in 2022 and honestly by the skin of our teeth (there's been a lot of learning!)... but WE DID IT! Today was the final one and I feel so much joy for how well this year has gone, I almost feel lost not having a MAJOR PTO event on the calendar for the next few weeks! hahah

I will touch more on these in the New Year! 💝

OUR HOUSE RENOS!

How did we end up here!? I am not sure.. it kind of took on a life of its own! hahaha

Nick and I started to really confirm the thought that this would be our forever home a couple of years ago. 

So much in life is unpredictable and the kids were so young when we moved in we didn't know what the future would hold but after really planting roots with friends and the community here we just knew we could never leave. And we LOVE our house itself! We did not build it but there is almost nothing we would change, I truly believe it was meant to be our house but that's a story for another day. 

So we decided to go all in! Make it really function for our family with some extra space we were craving and well one thing leads to another and now we have the most gorgeous finished basement and some beautiful new builtins in the upstairs living room. We are painting the whole main level, which also is connected to the upstairs hallways and because the walls were being painted well we better do the trim or it will look dingy... oh well the ceilings are being done so we better move that light fixture that was always off centre...

You see where I am going with this lol We are in DEEP!

We started back in the summer and we're on the home stretch. 

Here is a sneak peek but this is all you're getting for now! You'll have to wait for that magic social media reveal. 

The Breast Rash. 

There is too much to unpack here but this is such an important topic and has consumed my life for about 5 months now so I am not stopping the boob talk after this is all resolved. 

Yesterday I had a punch biopsy on my breast and if you've ever wondered what that looks like I am about to show you the photo.. hold onto your socks. 

This is me 34 hours after biopsy. 

It did not hurt, I was frozen. 

It is swollen, itchy and a bit sore now.

I have dissolvable stitches because the other option would have to be removed on Christmas and who wants that Christmas present?!?!

It will leave a scar, I hope its not too bad but I know I will always look at that scar with admiration.

To me this scar is a reminder that life is precious and that I am one of the lucky ones (hopefully... results won't be in until possibly February)

& that when I felt something wasn't right I went after answers, advocated for myself & what my body was telling me.

 I am really proud of myself for always speaking up for things I believe in, even when people find it annoying  😂  I can't give up until I am satisfied with the answer.. its mildly obnoxious.. but I will also put my money where my mouth is and do the damn thing! So a after a bunch of Doctors appointments, here we are! Will let you know what the results are when they do come back. 

I am so thankful for friends like Incandescent for keeping me in front of the camera these last few months.

@shopincandescent Looking for some outfit inspiration?? We got that! #whatsinmywardrobe #midsizegals #dresswithconfidence #dailyfashioninspo ♬ original sound - Incandescent

It's felt so amazing to be creative, especially with fashion and beauty and bodies 💗

I am so looking forward to 2023 and getting back into creation and catching up with all of you!

Whats new? What's the hot goss? What's the 411? Let me know! Hope you're all well! 

@shopincandescent

RESTOCK ALERT! This gorgeous gorgeous dress in being restocked in sizes L to 3X....do not miss out on your chance to get her!!!

♬ original sound - Incandescent

How can you lose something you never really had?

 Like sands through the hourglass..

As an '80's baby the saying is burned into my brain, all those summers filled with daytime TV and 'sick' stay home from school days. 

So are Days of our Lives.. 

This may be a painful post for some to read and I want to give you the heads up, pregnancy and loss.

So much of my day(s, like everyones) get filled with go-go-go and back to back appointments, meals, meetings, bath time, bedtime, repeat.

When I was younger, I was unsure if this busy 'mom life' - sports, school drop/pick ups, the never-ending fighting.. breaking them up, potty training, sleepless nights, days are long but the years are short.. was what I wanted for my future. 

I wanted a career and a home. I wanted lots of pets! Hoped to live in Nova Scotia, be near the ocean and enjoy little summer vacations. Take lots of photos, fill up my walls with picture frames and vintage trinkets. 

The children question remained unanswered, until around the time I met Nick. We dated a few years & I really started to consider what a future with children would look like. I knew Nick would be a great dad, I knew his calm complimented my crazy. I caught the marriage bug, I saw a future of swaddled little babies and a child filled, noisy home.

If you know me, I tend to go all or nothing, ADHD, Scorpio, oldest child.. I say it all the time. All or nothing, fake it till you make it!

Kids? *ok. adds to cart.*

You never know what the universe has in store for you, I always want to acknowledge that and I do try to pay attention to wording- children. I decided I would like to have children. We were already a family, families come in every shape and size!

I was open to whatever my guiding light offered me. Somehow the stars aligned and we first had a beautiful baby boy! Then a beautiful baby girl! and another one (DJ Khaled)! 1 Boy & 2 Girls, perfect!

I haven't mentioned this yet, but once I got with the idea of having children in my brain a number stuck out in my mind, 4. 

I remember specifically being asked throughout my life: "how many kids do you want?" This question.. it's so personal, there's so many factors, it is such a loaded question. 

The few times I dared to answer, "4". 

I remember certain conversations "I want 4, Nick wants 2, we would probably try for 3." 

And so we did and we were blessed. 

Families with 3 children... our homes are noisy and it can feel like you have double the amount of kids you do! Most of the time there is double the amount hanging around because we've entered 'the kids friends are at our place' phase of life.

3 is a great and a LOUD, BUSY, MESSY number.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fast forward. The last couple of weeks have been the same bustling days and tired nights.

We have enjoyed summer so much and had a wonderful PEI vacation, everyone is feeling hectic and happy. I was feeling off, which is not unusual for me because I have chronic illness but I decided to use a strip pregnancy test.

There was the faintest line, another day I took another and another and although faint, they were there.

I told Nick the news (I have ADHD, I cannot wait a single second to tell anyone anything. No, cute little unboxing, I just say it right away 😆)  and we were excited but busy so days passed. 

I took a Clearblue and it said 'Pregnant 1-2'.

I waited a couple of days and took another Clearblue, it said the same. 

I suddenly felt HUGE, like my belly popped a foot outwards! This was also one of the first signs I felt when expecting both girls. Once my uterus expanded with Elliott it was very easily and more rapidly expanded again! 

We didn't tell anyone else, we knew how early on it was but we were very happy and chatty about what this could look like. I was hesitant to be excited, during all my previous pregnancies I had a terrible worried feeling, the anxiety is real. 

I felt exactly like that quote from Charlotte York: 

Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.

I feel that feeling so often. I feel so much guilt for being happy and its so hard to balance. 

I just had a feeling, it was my time for the bad.. then I started bleeding. 

It was late at night, we were still awake but we were busy cleaning and tidying. 

We have been prepping our home for some renovations (guilt feeling) and I was already wondering why I didn't feel morning sickness like I did with my other pregnancies.

I had HG with all those babies and it is awful!

But I was able to reassure myself, it was still so early, and I specially remember HG starting a little later than this so it was ok. 

I did have a very odd few days of extreme back pain while we were away on vacation, my back was thrown out so badly I could hardly walk. It was so unusual for me to 

A. have back pain this severe. 

B. for it to last as long as it did

but again, it was just a thing that happened and then it was behind me. 

Unfortunately, the bleeding did not stop. 

It's confusing and sad and stressful.

Honestly it has felt like an out of body experience to me. 

'Did any of this really happen??'

'Did I imagine all those tests?!' 

I did not. 

It  is/was very real and is the reality for so, so, so many people. 

Technically I think this would be considered a Chemical Pregnancy, a pregnancy that miscarries around 5 weeks or under. 

I don't personally love that term, but that's just my opinion.

I'm fine with it as a descriptive or medical word but when you read about 'Chemical Pregnancies' I feel it slightly diminishes the pain and the seriousness of the loss. 

It's similar to the word 'Fat' for me. 

I would rather not be referred to as "Fat". I feel there are so many more creative and intelligent words to be used. I am not speaking for all fat people, I'm being transparent about how I would like to be addressed. 

The same goes for our loss. 

I consider this a miscarriage. 

It was sudden, it was painful, it is not over. 

I don't know if anyone ever gets over a loss like this. 

Intertwined with the loss I feel all sorts of other emotions and things swirling around inside me - guilt? sadness? but also, thankfulness? worry? stress? pain? love? joy? sorrow? uncertainness?

It's something that so many go through, yet so few openly talk about. 

It's the reminder that we never know what our neighbours are dealing with or feeling. 

So kindness and empathy are key, support and love everywhere for everyone. 

If you're going through or have gone through anything similar or if this reminds you of something heavy you have been carrying, know you're not alone and I'm wishing you all best, love & strength your way.

Sending everyone lots of love, light and summer sun this month 🌅🌈 

Thanks so much for being here, I enjoy getting to know you all so much! Take care of your body, 💜 & soul.